


Be My First

by LateStarter58



Series: Sarah's Smutty Notebook [20]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Loss of Virginity, Students, Teenagers, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 21:16:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17067266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStarter58/pseuds/LateStarter58
Summary: Penny is doing well at Cambridge but she can't seem to attract a boy; but then, she only really wants one, anyway.





	Be My First

Penny looked at her watch. Ten to midnight.

_I’ll set off now before I turn into a pumpkin._

_Hah!_

_As if I wasn’t already a mouse._

Why did she keep doing this to herself? Every party ended in one of two ways lately: sitting on the sofa surrounded by snogging couples, or standing in the kitchen – occasionally washing glasses for something to do - either alone or with someone she really didn’t want to be with.

Why had she come here tonight? Because, like so many times before, the day had started with that same stupid, hopeful feeling that something would change, that someone, maybe even _he_ would notice her this time… That feeling, that was what kept making her try.

_Just accept it, Pen. You are the witty, the studious one. Boys like you, you are funny. You are a great friend…but a girlfriend? That’s a whole different thing…_

She excavated her coat from under the giant heap on the end of the bannisters and headed for the back door; making a strategic withdrawal; saving herself from any more of this ritual humiliation. She couldn’t take another of those pitying looks from her girlfriends – even those who made well-intentioned but cringe-making attempts to include her - as she sat alone or stood off to one side.

She closed the door quietly and descended the steps to the path. The garden was deserted, apart from that couple she could just make out in the dim light that the kitchen window was casting on the lawn. They seemed to be having sex on the grass. She stifled a bitter laugh.

_Bit cold for that in April, surely._

She stood and looked up at the stars. Was this going to be her life from now on? Always on the outside of things? She’d had boyfriends at school, a few. Nobody really special, it’s true; nothing serious, but some nice times with mostly nice guys. But since they all landed here in Cambridge last autumn she hadn’t been asked out once, not even had to turn anyone down. Not one single proposition. She was busy with work, of course. There was so much to learn - the short Cambridge terms made it very intense - but it would have been nice to think and feel that she wasn’t a total turn-off for every male in the city. She made an effort that night, had some subtle makeup, a new dress that fit her nicely; she looked cute, and yet… What was happening to her and why? Couldn’t she just find someone? Was it too much to ask for her to have him?

She had made it around the house, through the side-gate and was heading for the road when she heard a voice from the front porch.

‘Penny? Where are you off to?’

She froze. It was _his_ voice.

‘Home,’ she answered. ‘Had enough of playing gooseberry.’ Saying the words made tears of self-pity well up. She wiped them away roughly and set off again for the street.

‘You can’t walk home in the dark on your own, Pen!’

‘Why not? I usually do.’ More tears. She gritted her teeth.

_Please don’t be nice to me Tom. I can’t bear it._

She felt a hand on her arm. His voice, softer now, close to her ear. ‘Please, wait. I’ll come with you. Just let me get my jacket.’

He felt sorry for her. Great. ‘Really, no, there’s no need. I’m fine.’

‘I want to.’ He was already on his way indoors so she waited, unsure what to think, until he emerged again, pulling his leather jacket on. He extended an arm and she took it, luxuriating in his presence. Making the most of it, despite the painful irony of it all.

Penny had noticed him immediately, back in October. He was in her circle, and friendly enough towards her, but way, way out of her league. Tom was easily the best-looking, the funniest, and probably the cleverest bloke she had ever met. And pretty much the most popular of her Cambridge friends. There was no hope there. But she kept on looking; wanting: she couldn’t help herself. And she wasn’t suffering alone: many of her friends fancied the pants off him too. Although he had dated a bit, he wasn’t known for sleeping around, and that made it worse, somehow: he was such a nice guy.

‘I didn’t see you earlier, Tom. Have you been here all evening?’

He laughed that funny little sniggering laugh of his. ‘Eheheh. No, just arrived about an hour ago. There was a rehearsal.’

_For his play. Of course. He wants to be an actor._

They walked for a while through the deserted, darkened streets, not speaking. His arm was around her shoulder in a companionable way. Penny felt anxious this close to Tom: her heart would not calm down and she was sure he had to feel her trembling.

‘So, Penny,’ he said softly as they skirted Jesus Green, ‘why did you leave Sean’s party, really? Too dull for you?’

She turned her head and looked at his profile, so handsome, a slight smile playing on his lips. Should she laugh it off, or bear her soul? Admit to the humiliation, be honest with the one person she really wanted to see her? Something told her to tell him.

‘I’ve just had enough of it, really. Every time it’s the same. It feels as if everybody in Cambridge has someone, apart from me.’

He stopped walking and turned to face her. ‘Maybe you should stop turning everyone down then.’ His voice was soft but slightly chiding, then full of concern as she began to tear up. ‘Oh Penny, what is it?’

She shook her head. ‘I haven’t been asked.’

‘ _What?!_ _You’re joking!_ ’ Again she shook her head, making him run his long fingers through his mop of curls. ‘But… I assumed that you were just being fussy…and who can blame you? You’d have your pick… I don’t… Oh Penny!’

She was crying hard now and Tom gathered her into his arms and pressed her against his chest, smoothing her hair and kissing the top of her head. ‘Shhhh. I think I might know why. And I think you know too.’

She pulled back a little and looked up into his face, almost a foot above hers. ‘What? Because I’m not pretty, not rich? Or maybe I don’t have the right amount of hip in me?’

‘What? No!!’ He smiled down at her and stroked her hair. ‘Because you are three times as clever and much, much funnier than any of the boys: that’s why. You’re quite intimidating, actually.’

‘Me?’ Penny’s face was twisted in puzzlement. ‘Cleverer? Funnier?’ She noted he did not say prettier. She looked up at him again, his blue eyes gazing down at her, radiating kindness. She watched as his mouth moved again, and listened to the whisper that came.

‘And you, the whole of you, that makes you the most beautiful girl I know.’

The hand that had been stroking her hair now cupped her cheek as he brought his lips to meet hers.

……………….

 ‘Are you sure about this?’

It had been four weeks since that last miserable, lonely party. Four weeks since she discovered she was not invisible or unfanciable. Four weeks of jealous looks from acquaintances and high fives from friends. Four weeks of walks along the backs, shopping trips and afternoons at the cinema, snuggled in the back row. Four weeks of visits to the pub and McDonald’s; of coffee on cold benches and study dates at his place or hers. Four weeks of the most wonderful kisses; the kind that made her melt against him. Four weeks of tentative fondles; nothing too overt, always gentle, always gentlemanly. Now it was Sunday afternoon, and they were in the Newnham Hall of Residence, in her room, alone together. They were lying on the bed and those kisses of his were getting more heated.

Penny didn’t know if he knew, but she thought he probably did. They had discussed sex, but only in the most disconnected, impersonal way; as theory. Now it seemed that, at long last, it was Penny’s moment for practical experience.

Tom was looking into her eyes intensely; he did that sometimes and it was the most intimate thing she had ever known, with anyone. She felt as if he was seeing into her thoughts, and that was OK with her. She nodded as his large, beautiful hand pressed to her breast. She saw him gulp, and was relieved to learn that he too was nervous. His lips met hers again and she moaned softly as his long fingers squeezed her lightly. As he began to kiss her neck she whispered to him.

‘Yes, I’m sure, Tom. Please. Be my first.’

He paused in his soft sucking on her skin and she realised he was holding his breath. He lifted himself up on his arms, pulling slightly away from her. His head came up and his blue eyes met her green ones.

‘Your _first,_ Penny?’ His eyebrows arched in a questioning bow.

She was wrong then: he hadn’t guessed.

‘I thought you realised. I’m sorry...’ Feeling embarrassed, Penny started trying to slide out from under him but he stopped her, blocking her movement subtly but firmly.

‘It’s OK. I just wasn’t absolutely, well, _100% sure_.’ He sighed and smiled. ‘Are you certain this is what you want?’

She nodded again. Now they had stopped, and the momentum of their passion had been lost, all her insecurities began to rise to the surface. _Will he like my body? Will I mess it up? Will I be any good? Will it hurt?_

Tom saw her thoughts in her face. ‘Shhhh. It’s alright, love. We don’t have to, if you’re not ready…’

‘But I am ready! I never felt… I never really wanted to, not with anyone else. But you… You’re the one, Tom.’

His lips were back on hers, crushing; emotion coursing through him as he tried to control himself. To offer herself, to want him to share something so precious; he was overcome.

_I have to do this right. Don’t fuck it up. Don’t be a tit._

Gathering himself together, he looked at her again.

‘Ok, if you are sure..?’ She nodded vehemently, so he continued. ‘We will take our time, OK. No need to rush.’ He took a deep breath. It was awkward to talk about these things, but under the circumstances he had to… ‘I’m going to use my hand first, OK? I want to be sure you’re completely ready. I want to touch you, Pen.’ Those last words made her head spin. He wanted her. She found herself nodding again, her breathing speeding up. She caressed his arms, his cheek. He looked anxious, but she knew he would treat her well.

‘Have you…you know… er, _touched yourself?’_ He was blushing wildly now.

‘Yes, I have. I might have thought of you the last time. The last few times…’

Tom opened his eyes, smiled and let out a big sigh which could have been a moan. ‘So you know what you like, then? What, you know…’ She nodded again. She knew what he was getting at. It was sweet to see her usually assured and confident boyfriend so embarrassed and awkward.

He stood up, pulling her gently to her feet with him. He began to undress her, slowly, carefully, despite his shaking hands; kissing and caressing as flesh was revealed, Tom went about his task with typical thoroughness. No boy since primary school had seen her naked; she didn’t even own a bikini because she considered herself not thin enough, not tall enough, not well-proportioned enough. But it seemed she pleased Tom well enough: the bulge in his jeans did not diminish, quite the reverse. Once she was in only her undies, he bent and kissed the tops of her breasts, moaning softly into her flesh.

‘Oh Penny, you are so beautiful.’

She was trembling now: scared, a little cold in the cool room; mainly just excited about what was to come. Tom reached behind her and unfastened her bra with only a little difficulty. His hands drifted down to her knickers and they both shuddered when his fingers brushed the place where the cotton met the soft skin below her navel. He dropped to his knees suddenly and gently pulled on the last remaining barrier between him and her sex, then asked her to lie on the bed while he took off his own clothes.

He had stretched himself out beside her, having removed everything bar his boxers. She looked at him, mesmerised. ‘If I hurt you, tell me, OK? We can stop. No problem.’ He kissed her mouth again, his tongue sweetly exploring as she opened to him. At the same time, his fingers began to drift over her skin. They paused on her breasts, softly squeezing and stroking, then moved on as she sighed, eventually starting to walk up the inside of her thigh. Penny parted her legs slightly, almost without thinking about it.

Electricity was sparking all over her body and what she felt bore no resemblance to her previous, solo and rather soulless experiments in self-pleasuring. The warmth of Tom, his long, lithe body so hard next to hers, and the scent of him… The sound of his breathing, how clearly he was excited by her; it was of a different order to anything she had known before. And the sensation of his fingertips getting closer and closer to her core was driving her wild. She wanted to grab his hand and press it on herself; she had never needed anything more urgently.

‘Please Tom,’ she found her voice at last when his lips moved to her neck, ‘please touch me.’

He didn’t bother to answer, just let his hand complete its journey, brushing the tips of his fingers along her slit, already wet in anticipation of their arrival. Penny gasped and was unable to prevent her hips bucking at his touch. She felt his smile against her skin. All her nervousness was gone now, replaced by a ravenous desire. Her own hands were on him, smoothing over the skin on his chest, playing with the few hairs there, sliding downwards. He caught her hand in his.

‘Let me take care of you first, darling. If you touch me I may lose control.’ He lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper. ‘I need you so much.’

His lips met hers again and his fingers made more purposeful movements, teasing and swirling and causing waves of pleasure to rush through her. She found herself making noises that seemed to come from deep inside, sounds unlike any she had heard from her own mouth. Suddenly he was doing just the right thing and when one finger slid slowly, carefully into her she felt that wire of tension that had been building explode in a firework display.

For what seemed like minutes, Penny could not seem to breathe. All she could do was arch her back and push herself harder against Tom’s hand as he nuzzled her neck and spoke quietly. ‘Yes, Penny, that’s it, darling. Yes.’

By the time she floated back down onto the bed like an autumn leaf on the breeze, Tom had removed his tenting boxes and she felt the moist end of his hard cock against her leg. Once more he looked earnestly into her eyes. A wave of love even stronger than the desire she felt washed through her, making tears brim in her eyes as she looked back at him. He was so special, so… _Tom_. She had no doubts.

‘What is it? Shall I stop?’ He hid his disappointment, but if she was upset, he would not continue.

‘Don’t you _dare_ stop,’ she said, reaching her hand around his neck and pulling his lips to hers.

‘God, thank you,’ was what came out of his mouth, followed by a sly chuckle. ‘Oh, wow, good…right.’ He turned away for a moment to open the condom packet. The sound of it made Penny’s stomach flip.

_It’s really going to happen. In a minute or two I won’t be a virgin any more…_

One tiny worry burst out unbidden. ‘Will it hurt?’

Tom paused in his movement - he had been arranging himself between her legs on the narrow bed - to look up into her face; she looked anxious, but not frightened. He smiled lop-sidedly, shaking his head. ‘I hope not; it might for a moment, I think. I don’t really know, only what I’ve read…’

She smiled back. She had read the same, and her friend Jill had told her that it stung less than putting a tampon in. But then she looked down and saw what she had avoided looking at, out of shyness, uncertainty; bashfulness, even.  He was much bigger than she expected. Her eyes widened and shot up to Tom’s face. He missed all this because he was concentrating on what he was doing.

_I’m not his first. It will be OK. It will be OK…_

‘I want you Penny, so much.’

Her worries were side-lined as his fingers touched her again. He delved a little, taking some of her moisture and working it over himself, moaning a little as he did. Then he leaned down and captured her mouth with his while gently pressing at her entrance at the same time. Inch by inch; slowly, gently but implacably, he glided into her warm wetness. Penny could not believe that she could accept him so easily, but her body knew it could, and, with only the mildest of discomfort, it did. All the time he was kissing her, his lips and tongue distracting her from what tiny, fleeting pain there was, until she felt his pelvis against hers. Such intimacy was overwhelming for them both; he fixed her again with that gaze of his and she felt there would never be a closer bond; body and soul mingling as never before.

Penny tangled her fingers in his curls, holding his head as he began to move inside her. She recognised a deeper pleasure than she had ever known, coupled with such an overpowering urge to move against him; to feel the way his hardness and her softness worked to create the sensations which were leaving her stunned and breathless yet again. His mouth on her neck and then on her breasts; he had wanted to worship them sooner and now he allowed himself free rein, sucking and licking and Penny writhed and pushed her flesh into him.

Tom’s body had waited for her, but now it had her it was rushing to its own release. He wanted her to come again, but he didn’t know if she could before he did. Then he felt her muscles tightening around him and thought she must be close.

He lifted his hand and delved between them to press on her nub. As he touched it she arched her back again, and the tightness around him increased so much he could no longer hold back and pummelled into her raggedly.

Whatever she had imagined her first time would be like, this was so much better. She felt good; better than good: she felt normal. She felt as if she belonged for the first time since she could hardly remember. He wanted her… _TOM wanted HER._

The room was quiet and he lay between her legs still; his weight on her was a comfort and his face on her shoulder a welcome guest. After a minute or two he withdrew carefully, holding the top of the condom, and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached over and caressed her face.

‘Are you OK, Penny? Did it hurt too much?’

‘I feel wonderful. It didn’t hurt at all.’ She smiled, stretched her arms and legs and sighed.

‘I’m sorry about that last part. I wanted you to…you know. _With_ me.‘

Penny smiled. It was fine, marvellous, amazing. But he had wanted it to be better; so typical of him.

‘It’s fine. We’ll just have to try again until you get it right.’ She winked at his slightly taken-aback expression. ‘Practice makes perfect…’

The sound of their laughter filled the room.


End file.
